a month of books- day 9

[Day 1-8]

DAY 9: THE FIRST BOOK YOU EVER READ

Uhm. The first book I fake-read was Cinderella, when I was 4; I say “fake-read” because I sued to learn by memory, word by word, the books my mum read me before sleeping, and I connected the words with the images and the turning movement of the pages, so, after few days, I recall COMPLETELY the words, and I was able to pretend I was reading them, reciting them and turning the pages at the right moment, impressing everyone who didn’t know that I couldn’t actually read aged 4– It’s silly and it has nothing to do with this, but it’s a funny story, and I wanted to share it with you.

First book I read? Well, a child’s book, back when I was 5, called “Lola the Snail”- don’t ask who tha author is, I barely remember where the book is at my place…, about a snail who needed glasses but didn’t want to wear them because she was extremely vain. It’s also the book that thought  me that snails have their eyes on their feelers.

( Unfilled Days )

sleeping with a closed door

Things aren't good.
lately, I've spent more time argiung with the people around me, snapping at them, crying because of them, and as much as I could blame hormones, it's not on them, not completely, at least.
life sucks, that's all.
I'm living with people who can't stand me, hates me. I wish I'd grown up in a normal family, but I didn't, instead, I was looked after by a crazy old woamn - grandmother- who thought necessary expaling to a 8 years old how brothels worked, because at grandpa's time everyone visited them, him as well, and because all females where whores..
for a good part of my life, I idiolized my grandparents. I did, really. dad used to say that mum and me were going to die along with them, so much we loved them.  I've been around people piut into hopsices and such, abandoned them, and swore to never do that to them. so, when granddad got worse, we were more than hapy to taken them in with us, make them even a bigger part of our lives, ahving them close- closer.
but the bigger the love, the greatest the hate.
For two years, I've been told that my parents are bastards, and that I'm as well, that Drew is a retarded, I've been said that I'm a whore as well- apparently- all females nowadays are.
At least, tehey used to have the decency of talking about us at high voice at night, when we weren't supposed to hear, or between closed door.
now? grandmother INSULTED ME while at her doctor. dyabtes is getting worse, even if we know she don't pay attention and steal food from the kitchen just to get us worried, and at her last check up, she look at me disgusted the whole time, going on and on with the fact that I should live a war because she did, and I dare to look after cats and I sued toc are for my sick dog while they were at war, and so should I do as well. 
she wnats me to suffer war, death and all that jazz. her words: I HOPE YOU'LL GET TO SEE ANOTHER WORLD WAR., and she dared to call my aunt's girlfriend a male because she is sleeping with a woman.
mental issues are normal in her family, but unfrotunately, tehy often ended up getting dangerous - she almost hit me because I ahd put under charge my mobile in the living room, that's apparently hers.
I'm scared. and I'm a prisoner in my own home, sleeping with a locked door at night, becaus,e you never know