AIN'T EASY TO BE A WOMAN

[little_firestar]

 AIN’T EASY TO BE A WOMAN….

Let’s be honest: being a woman has never been easy. We’ve always been challenged during history, even if in different ways, and we struggled to gain rights all through history.  And the result?  Let’s be honest: it sort of backfired.

Why?

Easy: now we have to do two, three times what we used to do back in the day,  too many times men (and people)’s view hasn’t changed at all.

Examples?

Back then we used to have to work at home and watch the family; we fought hard to be able to work and study just like any men did, with the result that too often women end up either working on the job AND at home, as often men, once walking past the doorstep back in, think it’s their right to have a hot meal in the plat and/or a couch to watch peacefully TV on, or have to sacrifice their job and choose between said job and looking after the household (if and when they have a job, as nowadays it’s still common practice in many countries, asking a newly employed woman to  sign a blank resignation letter  that will be filled the moment she’ll ask for maternity leave; salary is smaller despite having the same job as men, sexual harassment and all that jazz).

When we lament? The answer is that we got what we fought for, so we should deal with it.

On top of that, we are  supposed to always look like we are from an episode of Desperate Housewives or The Stepford Wives: perfect and happy. I mean, I’ve  been told by people many times that if I wanted to find/keep my man I wasn’t supposed to not wear make-up, put on a sweater and running shoes and pants and simply tie my hair. But… seriously? When I wake up at 5, 6 am and I have everything to do, and then I go to the job- where, btw, I can’t wear make-up, and as I have to wear a sort of uniform, should I really put on my nicest clothes?

Apparently, yes. And on top of that, I’m supposed to do everything AND be quick about it AND  do my 10-15 minutes daily routine to have a fresh skin every day because  I HAVE to look nice.

Seriosuly… 

Comments

[dm12.livejournal.com]

Well, the myth is that no compromises need to be made. A woman can have a full-time career, be a perfect wife and mother (and daughter, while we're at it) and be perfect at everything. That's what feminism told us... oh, and that our husbands will make their own sacrifices at the alter of our perfection.

We are human beings, compromises must be made. If you're going to have that high-powered career, you are not going to be the one caring for your children or your household. Neither is hubby. The idea of feminism was that both of you are entitled to perfection in life (or that men had to compromise/sacrifice so women could achieve their perfection), and that has to go!! Life is not perfect, it's not meant to be so. Both have to make compromises and choices as to priorities. That is growing up.

This whole thing has, as you said, led to women having to work harder than ever, because both of their jobs are 24/7. Not only that, but women now must work in order to just make ends meet now, where's the choice and freedom that was promised? There is no choice for most women today. Like men, they go off to jobs they hate and count the hours until they get home. Just so they could have a roof over their heads.... this was what we got.

Also, we do ourselves in when we claim to want men to take more responsibilities at home. How many times have women asked men to do a particular chore, decided it wasn't done to their satisfaction, and either yelled at the men for not doing it right or, more often, just redid it themselves? How many chances do you think men will give us with behavior like that before telling us to either accept what they do/how they do it, or go back to doing it ourselves? There, too, we need to accept imperfection (in our eyes), to compromise. Men often give up in total frustration because we are only willing to accept our idea of how it should be done.

Lastly, those women who have decided that staying at home and raising their own children because it should be their choice to do so are constantly insulted and derided by the others. "What do you do?" "Oh, you're just a mom? How sad for you... and how demeaning." "What do you do all day, sit and eat bon bons and watch soap operas?" Parents who raise their own children have the toughest job they'll ever love. It's challenging, it's definitely not boring, and it's constantly changing. Yet we insult the people who choose this way of doing things.

Feminism was supposed to be about choices, freedom to choose without being insulted for your own choices. Yes, I'd say it absolutely backfired, removed choice, and removed respect for one of the most important things we'll ever do, raising our families. I'm sure no one is remembered for the number of hours they clocked at work, but if you leave behind a good family, good and worthy children, people will remember you forever.

(Oh, and in case you're wondering. I've done both, been the mom that was first to drop her kid off at daycare in the morning and last to pick him up at the end of the day. By the third child, I did stay at home for the first several years. I am lucky and blessed enough to have a husband who shops and cooks, not to mention does whatever else needs doing. So when I say raising kids is the toughest job you'll ever love, I've been there and done it, am still doing it.)

[little-firestar.livejournal.com]

"Lastly, those women who have decided that staying at home and raising their own children because it should be their choice to do so are constantly insulted and derided by the others. "What do you do?" "Oh, you're just a mom? How sad for you... and how demeaning." "What do you do all day, sit and eat bon bons and watch soap operas?" Parents who raise their own children have the toughest job they'll ever love. It's challenging, it's definitely not boring, and it's constantly changing. Yet we insult the people who choose this way of doing things."

thata part made me remmber few years back, while I was talking with a girl I went to University with; she was telling me how she hated housewifes, because they pratically did nothing all day, in her opinion; I took offense for that (and barely spoke with her in the next few years, whenver we had a class together), as my mother was an housewife. But, guess what? To be an housefwife she had renounced A PROMOTION, that's how much she wanted to stay at home. To do what? Rise her two children, bring her to school and any other acrivity; cledan the house, grocery and clothes shopping, getting the meal ready, tidy up- And on top of that, she also looked after her elderly parents, who's always been more inside the hospital than outside, and thier place. Doing for them the same things she did for her own home.
And yet, because she did, and does it herslef? She isn't considered by many. And yet, when I ask them who watch after their places, and their elders, they answer thyat they have a lady coming twice a week, that their father is now reitred because he came of age, and that a woman watches over tehri parents/grandparents...

[dm12.livejournal.com]

That's exactly it. Choices must be made, sometimes it's not easy to give up one thing for another, but something always has to give. If you're going to be paying people to do all the things you would do at home, you're not going to get the same level, either. Twice a week is not the same, and not everyone who works can afford to "have a lady come" at all, let alone twice a week. So they are stuck compromising there as well, not doing as good a job. Then there is eldercare... that's a whole other issue that women today face. Not only do they have to care for their children (which many of them had later in life to accommodate their career), but they now have to care for their elderly parents/in-laws/grandparents.

But the choices a person (man or woman) make must be respected, and they aren't. It's hard work running a household; my husband calls me the COO and CFO (often the CTO and CEO as well). He consults me on everything.

[little-firestar.livejournal.com]

I've already guessed it from your words; my mother with me- the eldest- went at work, and as my father was in his first years at a new job, I didn't see a lot of him too (and he would have agreed to cook, but he is awful, really.). For my first 8 years, I was rised by my grandoparents (mum's side) and, as my family is very, ehm, peculiar, as they were both already retired, decided that to look after their only grandaughter (and having a room at our place, a parking space, and food of their choosing every day AND the finaly say in my education) they need compensation. As in, my grandmother was getting paid to be in the same building as me (her idea of watching me was: Elizabeth, do whatever you want and don't disturb me. Your mother will deal with you at 10 pm when she'll get back from work. Honestly, I've always wondering what was wring with those grandparents who went to school to bring their children home. I mean, I was 5 and I walked home all alone, day or night it didn't matter...)
When she had my brtoher, mum decided to leave: my grandmother was too old, refused to watch over us, and yet when my mother mentioned hiring a sitter she made a scene because we wouldn't be trusting in her and didn't consider her worthy enough. (she is bipolar, and thanks god we've discovered my mother was adopted.) so the only reasonable thing for her back then was to stay at home.
After that our life pretty much spiraled out pof control, between sickness, deases and so on, so, until Drew wasn't already 18, she didn't get the chance to get back to work, even if just part-time and in our family-owned buisness.

[dm12.livejournal.com]

My in-laws lived in the same building as us. When child #3 came around, we all had a big family meeting to discuss whether I'd return to work or not. We all decided (me, too) that it would be best for me to stay home and handle the children; my in-laws watched her sometimes if I needed to run an errand that I couldn't take her along (like to the school where my other children were or a doctor's appointment), so it was good to have that support. I was blessed with both input and support from them and my husband. He's also thoughtful in that he consults me before inviting company (and I do the same for him). Most of our friends don't consult.

Fortunately, my husband is a fantastic cook, and we've taught our boys to both cook and bake. My daughter, on the other hand, is a tough case with that. No interest, although I think she has some of the basics down now...