little_firestar: (rodney mckay)
Few weeks ago, a costumer of mine called me "fat".
Now, I know I'm not thin; I'm not an idiot. I'm 1.50 and I go between size 44 and 46. There's just no way that I'm thin. Plus, between work- and it's my own business, so I basically spend all my time there- and family and stuff, well, I kind of got lazy, eat not too well and excercised even less. 
When this kind old lady told me so, well, I knew it. but it's one other time having someone so rudely and openly point it out to you (if I were less gracious, or had been less surprised, I would have said soemthing. Probably. Maybe.).
But, well, it kind of... woke me up.
I've lessened the amout of white flour, I eat more vegetables and fruit (even if I already ate a lot), less meat and cheese, smaller portions- and yes, following the advice of my doctor, I'm also using pills to decress the amount of sugar and fats absorbed by my body.
BUT, moslty, I invested in excercise. Not the gym- because when you finish working at 8pm, trust me, the gym is the last place you want to go to. I just bought, thanks Amazon,  a trademill and a stepper 8and started using the things I already have home) and I gave myself a timeline. Each day, at least 20 minutes.
And it's working.
Jul. 19th, 2016 08:15 am

Back!

little_firestar: (b&w clint)
After 20 or so days, I'm back at work- I think I needed some time off, and besides, it's low season here.
What I did in 3 weeks? Not so much- It's not like I slept more, my sleeping patterns are what they are, but I think that, mostly, I indulged in... being slow? Taking big breaths and sighing in relief as life passed me by. I spent time with my family- mum mostly- took some decisions and enjoyed the time and what "little" I did with it.
I did came to work a few times, as we got some major orders from a few resturants, and I I spent yesterday cleaning the shop from head to tow, but besides from that:
- I read a few books. Mostly roamnce novels, but I did read them, and I think that's what matters.
-I re-read the FULL METAL ALCHEMIST manga. all 27 volumes. in a few days. Because I used to read them as they were being published but soemtimes there were 6 months between volumes, and now I read all of them. Together. At the sime time. AND I STILL FREAKING LOVE IT!
-I've discovered "Scorpion" (The US tv show) thanks to some season 1 re-runs on RAI4, on Wednesday evening. I'm already addicted to it. Why didn't I look at it sooner? (And, speaking of tv screens, I've seen Batman V Superman, and re-watched some of NCIS NEW ORLEANS episodes.)
-My room. I finally assembled my new iron bed. And got a new mattress. And two new pillows. I'm very happy. And I sleep like a baby on it. Like, I didn't think it was possible to sleep so well on a brand new mattress. AND  a new bed frame meant changing a bit the room- mostly the layout of my pictures and my paintings. AND, as my old bed (1 and an half places) bed went to Drew, we also did soem changes to his room as well.
-I've got some new lythographies to frame and put in my "nerd corner", close to the X-FILES one. One it's a Star Wars imagine featuring troopers, in black, white and red, the others are a orangy Voltron piece ("join the force") and a small piece with the space mices- also from Voltron. Yep. I do love Voltron.
-I've ordered a new couch, and I've looked at new pieces for our living room, as soem pieces are 32 years old and can't even stand together any longer. And one has been burned down as well. Thank you very much, Christmas candles. AND, speaking of living room: I did some adjustments to out good parlor. Whcih is also our ONLY parlor. Fact is, it was still quite good, despite its 15 years, but the two lateral shutters(the only ones that werten't either open or made of glass) were, well, the same color as my grandfather's coffin. So mum was haitng it. But she didn't have the heart to change it. Meaning? While she took the day off, I went to work on it, and the shutters are now panel with a barroque black and white fantasy. it took me a whole day, but the result is do damn good, even my grandmother, that always hate everything,m loves it. I'll post pictures. eventually.
-It was decided that we do need a new car, after all. As my 10 years old panda is starting to, well, making noises she shouldn't. And unfortunately dad knows all about cars. And he knows when it's time to say goodbye. I'm gonna look around a bit, see what I cna find that it's decent and not too pricy...
. I'm making a thing at half-cross stitchking!
little_firestar: (who and tardis)
My grandfather- mom's dad, who lived with us- passed away on the last day of October, quite suddenly. We didn't exact had the most awsome relationship, but he had had a good hand in rising me. Besides, I couldn't remember a time I hadn't seen him, or heard him, with the exception of my 20 days working at Expo Milan, where I barely called to say "Hi! I'm still alive!" once a day.
We lived together. I saw him everyday. I took care of each and every of his needs- from getting him to appointments, pay his bills, giivng him his medicines and so on.
When he died, I felt a void. Like suddenly I had all this time to fill and didn't know what to do with ti any longer. Suddenly I would get the table ready for six people, and then we would sit down and there would be only the five of us.
I was starting to feel a little better, thinking, "it happened, he is gone", when, please forgive me, please don't say I'm a silly, stupid person, I had to see the agony of my beloved Kitty, Miciolino, also known as Whithy; I was feeding him when he fell into a coma, and only murmured verses for over half a day- he then apssed away the enxt morning, at five AM, few minutes after I decided I was going to go to the emergency veterinary clinic and have him put to sleep, because it just wasn't right to make him suffer.
And now? Now, tomorrow, are moving my great-grandfather's remains- granfather's dad- into grandfather's tomb, and I have to be there with mum to sign papers, as we are the only descendents.
I foresee a new kind of pain...
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Jul. 30th, 2014 10:14 am

Confession

little_firestar: (closer brenda)
here a little tibid of information about me: I use to read Harmony, Mills and Boons and Harlequins novels, and to avoid being discovered (because, duh, Classical High School, specialized in History of Art and British iiterature? Yes, It's kind of... frustrating being in Roamnce novels and comic books)... well, I use as cover a sheet of wrapping paper (the brown one used to mail them).
Ok. Now I said it. It's on the net forever and ever, for not being forgotten :)
little_firestar: (closer brenda)
As of to past nine pm:
-found a broekn glass in the fridge expositor in my shop;
-broke six eggs (a package)
-got stood up by my friend: we were supposed to meet at 8.30, talked also this afternoon, and at 7.30 (aka when I was entering in my car to go and meet her) she sent me a text: got people at home: so sorry!  that's not the first time it happens; last wek, I waited for her for her for an hour, after she begged me to take two hours from the job so that we could have an early meet. when I phoned her to ask where she was, she told me that she hand't left yet. The same "trick" she used today, she also used in the past: it's the reason we stopped talking for almost a decade when we were 21.
-drew broke his phone- . as it.wasn't working as he wanted, so he threw it against the wall. breaking it once and for all.
-my dishwasher isn't working any longer
anything else? Please, the night ois still young...
little_firestar: wisdom (wisdom)
 La verità è che ciascuno è bello a modo suo, e la bellezza è tante cose, e non è perfezione e normalità. La bellezza non ha niente a che fare con la normalità, è sempre altro, esagerazione, strappo, inquietudine…

La cosa bella di questo mondo è proprio questo, che siamo tutti diversi, e a volte lo siamo drammaticamente, esageratamente.  Un mondo di uguali è orribile, un mondo di uguali è l’incubo totalitario, è il nazismo che ammazzava  i deboli e i diversi.   Sai chi è bellissima? È bellissima Jillian, la nuova modella dei jeans che sta sulla sedia a rotelle. La bellezza è Alex Zanardi, che è un figo pazzesco e riesce a scherzare anche sul fatto che non ha più le gambe; anzi, dice che se adesso cammina scalzo, almeno non si prende più il raffreddore.   La bellezza è Lucia Nibali, quella ragazza col volto sfregiato dall’acido dall’ex fidanzato e ha avuto il coraggio di  ripartire  e di affrontare  quel mostro a testa alta in tribunale.  LA bellezza è Seb, un bambino di 5 anni, Down, che fa il modello per una catena di abbigliamento Inglese. Perché i bambini con la sindrome di Down sono dei bambini, e non delle sindromi, e quelli che fanno fatica a stare al passo non sono diversi, sono soprattutto uguali, e sono belli, perché amano, ridono, ballano, e alcuni saranno anche antipatici, come succede con le persone che hanno tutti gli accessori regolamentari. E sono persone che hanno il diritto di vedersi rappresentate nel mondo della cultura, dello spettacolo, dello sport, della politica.  E da noi, […] quando tempo ci vorrà perché un Piccolo Seb Italiano compaia per esempio in uno spot della Nutella? Ferrero,  un bimbo Down nella Nutella, senza che nessuno faccia una piega! Barilla, un bambino Down nella famiglia tradizionale non ci può essere? C’è una donna molto bella in Inghilterra, si chiama Cherry Barrel, ed è la presentatrice di programmi per bambini, ed è bravissima. E senza un braccio. I genitori hanno protestato, sono troppo piccoli per affrontare il discorso dell’handicap. E io invece dico che sono palle, perché sono piccoli, credo, e più è facile fargli capire le cose con naturalezza. Anzi, sono loro che sono più capaci di noi a non fare tanto caso a ciò che è diverso. E’ così difficile dire che è nata così, ma va bene lo stesso, guarda com’è carina? Per fare televisione non servono due braccia- giusto a spostarla. Perciò adesso mi dovete spiegare perché due tette grosse come la cupola di San Pietro rientrano nel concetto di bellezza, ma avere un braccio anziché due no. […] Allora, cara mamma, se sai spiegare [a tuo figlio] perché quella ha due dirigibili, allora spiegagli anche perché quella ragazza ha un braccio solo, un signore sta in carrozzella , quello ha le mani che tremano, perché un bambino non parla e un altro ogni tanto tira i libri alla maestra e urla. Altrimenti, se gli facciamo credere che il mondo è quello dei cartoni animati, poi non ci stupiamo se quando vede per strada uno sporco e ubriaco poi gli da fuoco.

I fiammiferi glieli abbiamo dati noi. 


(nb: I will translate it asap, because it was a beautiful thing that amde me cry, and it derves being shared.)

little_firestar: (spock)
 Family's really... a guessing game, sometimes (because I really don't know how else I am supposed to describe it).
Pick my aunts, for example. And I am saying this because I am quite... annoyed? Mad? Enraged? Ah. I can't even take a propeer adjective. 
What happened? Easy. It happened that my aunt Luise-daddy's youngest sister - has been a bitch (and I hope you'll forgive me my Franchesism).  Few months ago, she and my dad's other sister, Laura, got into a fight (in which Luise's husband got involved as well); my father, because he lives far from them (over 200 km) and because they are both his sisters (and frankly, none of them was completely right, nor wrong) didn't take a side.  Unfortunately, the fight escalated, and aunt Laura fought with Luise's husbands as well, said everything she thought about him (which isn't nice, nor has ever been. Despite her saying the contrary, I know that she has always, always spoken badly of him, and tried to get Luise to break up with him since 1996, when they started dating). My father didn't pick Laura's side; on the contrary, he remembered her that acting that way was just going to alienate their sister, and he didn't want that; he only got to see Luise once a year, best case scenario, and he didn't want to lose her. 
So, he decided to be the pacekeaper-also because he is the eldest, so, yeah, kind of feeling like it was his role, all right? 
So, he called. And called, and called... the phone always rang, and in the rare cases someone answered, it was always her husband. Either she wasn't there, or it was "sorry, I am losing you" and he hanged up and turned off the phone. And that, for months. We even met him at an exibition few months ago, and even if he acted with completely nonchalance and friendly (do you know, the stupid kind of way? All snaky smiles and pats on the back?), when asked about Luise, he answered that she was "Oh, somewhere, looking for a parking spot."
Really? Even if he had told her that she didn't need her driving license any longer now that she was married with him and her license had been expired for over a DECADE? Nice. I bet she was back home, but ehy, who knows. maybe she was driving around the city of Cuneo with her driving license expired, uncaring that, if discovered, the would have taken away her car and sold it...
But, anyway, were was I? Oh, yes, months and months of no contacts, no words. And, well, daddy is  alittle paranoid. And my brother Drew too. So, when you hear every day at the news (and yes, we do) about woemn found in refrigerators, killed by partner (2 times last week), if you are a little paranoid, you get depressed. And worried. And when you call and call and no one answers...
so, daddy took his car, drove for 200 km (with the excuse that he was going to see someone for a work-related thing) and knocked at her door.
And yeah, she was there, in her house in the middle of the forest (for real, I am not exagerating), and when she saw her older brother after almost two years, after having gone for almost one without hearing his voice, you know what she did?
She talked with him accross the yard, not even bothering to open the gate. with her whole "Yes, I received your mail, I received your fax, I received your messagges. No, I don't want to come and celebrate your 60th birthday with the rest of the family. No, I don't want to get involved with the rest of the family. Oh, wait, you expected me to at least giving you a sign that I was alive and answer with even just a text? Silly me..."
Yesterday evening, my father cried. HE CRIED. this sixty years old man, big and strong, he cried. Because he ahd tried to take the side of each sister, and he ahd ended up being shout out from Luise's life. 
Frankly, I don't care if she did it because her husband told her to, but... well, he wasn't there, so she could have at least talked. pretended to be nice, or... whatever you do with your brother. it's just...
If she is happy that way, all right, no problem. But you don't cut people out that way. You don't want tires any longer, want to cut them? You shout the door in their face. You tell them that you don't want to have nothing to do with them any longer. in their faces. 
So, yeah. People are messy. And families... even more so.

little_firestar: (Default)
You do something, and they lecture you for this. Next time, in the same situation, you do the opposite of what you previously didi, and yet you do wrong anyway. You are lectured yet again, because apparently you were supposed to do something else entirely.
But, ehy, "when the hell will you stop doing those damn mistakes?" Is mother's favorite sentence when it comes to me. Together with "surviving with your dreams is a dream"
(Why do you thin that I stopped for almost 15 years to paind and draw?)
She is tired and nervous. I get it. But I am too, but nobody seems to care. What, because I am less than 30 they think I am an happy go lucky character? Well, quoting you, keep dreaming.
But don't use that as an excuse to be bitcy with me. Just, don't. I think I deserve more respect than this. Just because people doesn't aknowledge that I made, and still make, sacrifices, it doesn't mean that you are the only one doing them. The only one with the problems.
What the hell. What the hell. What.the.hell!


Posted via m.livejournal.com.

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little_firestar: (Default)

Christmas is approaching, and with having to work on the 23rd and 24th, time is…well, let’s say time hasn’t been kind with me until now, and probably will keep not being kind to me as well for the rest of the week.  Ergo: I’m that close to having a nervous breakdown (ok, yesterday I had a little one, but just small. I just cried for a couple of minutes and then sniffed for half an hour, but it’s ok, really. I mean, if you think that there are times I cry for days… easy crier, mum calls me).

Anyway…today, I can send it to hell. No time for anything. This morning there was  the visit of the medical commission to evaluate my grandfather’s Parkinson (and I passed half the morning putting in order his medical records …) , then, after that,  a !quick” visit to the vet, to pay the last counts for Sissi’s therapy and get few exams she did in the past (because we are thinking of asking for another advice)and this afternoon I’ll have to drive mother to the oculist and then I’ll have to go to my doctor myself – hoping he’ll be available, since there’s strike -to see what can be done about my again aching back- looks like my discopathy is worse than what it looked like few weeks ago.

Sometime this weeks, preferably before the 23rd, I’ll have to buy everything edible to consume while I’ll have my relatives around. Good thing? Menus have already been done, so I already know what I’m supposed to buy and I’ll not have to dance around the drugstore hoping to get inspired.  And there’s the cleaning the room for the guest, cleaning the house in general, putting on the last decorations and the gifts to buy… and Saturday, aunt Laura and Tricia will be here. And, if things go as we hope (which we already know will not,), on the 26th there’s a small chance that aunt Luise will be here as well…( hard, because her husband can’t stand us and she does everything he tells her).

And coocking! There will be plenty to cook….  So much to do, so much to… and so little time!

little_firestar: (Default)
I'm not saying you come into mu shop, you have to buy something. I really don't. the sign "Free Entry" is there for a reason, and it means that, if you wnat to come inside and give a look, you are free to do so. I'm not mad because you leave without buying anyhting. I really don't. I don't even get mad (ok, maybe frustrated) when you tell me you'll come back because you don't wnat bags while you are walking around. Hell, I'm even quiet when order soemthing and then you don't come to take it!
But, I'm sorry, I get mad if you, the man who's been a client for years, come inside, and ask me for the price, trying to lower it, like you've never bought that particular item. and, I'm sorry, I know you are supposed to be a resturant, but I ca't make you teh price of other resturant just because you buy half a kilo of stuffs. the more you buy, the lower is the price, not the opposite, and I'm sorry you don't wnat to undersatnd it. 
Don't think that because I'm young, or a girl, or I look frail, I'll allow you tohave your way. because It's not how it works with me. and telling me you are sorry, but then ypou have to go to another place because I don't have what you wnat and the price you wish? it makes me wish to tell you to go to hell, and to do sa you wish. I don't force ypu to buy to me, but you should now the difference from my product and another one. you've seen how I work, you know. so, suck it up and, with all respect, go to hell.
and stop thinking I' going to give up on any form of respect for myslef because I0m young! (and not even so much)
little_firestar: (Default)
Just, tell me: how it is that I don't ask anything to my neighbour, by she can't help but putting her nose where it doesn't belong? Few weeks ago I accicentaly scratched the side of the car against a gate, and when, later, I was expectioning the damage with my mother (the owner of the car- not because she wnated to, but because I did. I did the damage, I ahven't been careful, it's up to me to pay because it's right this way), she came (casually, of course, and definitely not untentionally...) and  she ahd been so bold to tell my mother - IN FRONT OF ME! - that, for her, I was saying a lie, that a gate couldn't damage the car that way and that I obviously scratched it against a guardrail!
I already didn't like her because she never mind her own business (she forced another neighbour to cut few trees, and couple of years ago, called the police to come and see if we were allowed to make the works we were doing in the proprty- yes, we know for sure it had been here, and let's not even start with Ferrero's funeral...) but, man, this is too much!  I hope I'll not have to see ehr again for a while, and I hope for her own good that she'll not dare to come and ask for herlp next time her home will be filled by the rain! (I'm not being nice, I know, but she put the seed of doubt into my mother, and I didn't like how I had to deal with the issues of whatever I damaged the car against a gate or a guardreil!
Now, on a lighhter theme, curtesy of [info]watchyouwalk

Tv shows meme! )
Nov. 7th, 2011 10:18 pm

Oh crap...

little_firestar: (Default)
I can't beelive it's been so long since I last used it, that I don't know how to use a vhs recorder any longer (actually, I do know the basics. it's the programming thing that I'm not so good any longer...)
also: my back hurts like hell, and today has decided to torment my whole left side. I'm literally hurting from head to toes. yep, for sure, and I'm fighting to find a position to alleviate the pain.
and it still rains...
Nov. 6th, 2011 02:12 pm

CRAP...

little_firestar: (Default)
Still raining like crazy. and it will keep up probably for the next 24-48 hours or so. that's not gonna be nice. and it doesn't feel good consideirng that people living near the river has been evaquated...
bad memories, I know I should fight them, schouldn't think about them in the first place, but I really can't do it, can't help it, sctually. mum says because I lived it so I can't help but thinking. back then? back then I haven't lived it, so I just looked at the rain falling, kind of fascinated. believe me, the fascination is gone the moment you realise that the jacket in the car in the middle of the submerged road is actually attacked to a body, now gone. and then, you learn is soemthing you have just a degree of separation of two- mum's friend and hr husband of an year and an half.
So, no, I don'0t feel nice.
little_firestar: (Default)
Finally, I manged to be at home on a saturday. Kind of hard, considering that I work on the torustic business. BUT for once, I'm not exactly glad I ahd to be home.
yep, had to.
there's a meteo alert here, it has been raining without any interuption since middle of the week, and it will keep up untill at least monday, but it seems the worst has still to come. ergo, everybody in the area (Piemont, Valle of Aosta, Liguria) has been asked to not leave if not stricly necessaary. and, considering that, with that condition, I wasn't going to be able to work, I had to stay at home.
I have to admit, I'm quite scared. as today, 17 years ago, we lived our last inoundation, which iss till extremely fresh in my mind. I can still tell you exactly what happened in those two, horrible days, what I did, what I saw, and how I had to go through in the next following months- no light, no gas, no telephones, road closed, homes filled by dirty  water. and hte animals. i can't forget the cadavers of animals floating in the roads.
yes, I'm slighlty worried...
little_firestar: (Default)
Backache is getting worse, Cino the cat has taken one of leave of absence and this afternoon neigbour's unleashed dog attacked Minni the cat while she was walking at our side and, in the commotion, both me and mum fell while rying to avoid Sissi and Chicca (totally under our control, and restrained) to add injury to the injured....
little_firestar: (Default)
If I had the answer to all the probelms afflitting me (and my family) I'd not be ehre right now, but I'd have a life worth living and not just some sorry excuse of an existence. I really cannot how to say it again and again.  and it's not like I don't want to change, but there are only so many days in a week, and I cannot helping taking care of a cardiopatic diabetic with a nervous breakdown that keeps eating behind our backs and then complains to me that I don't make her enough insulin, and taking to teh doctors a old-fashioned, extremist Muslim like 90 years old man who threats with cancer and parkinson disease who thrreats every being as a servant and every woamn like garbage AND thinking about work as well, (and let's not forget my dog being sick as well, going 3 a week to the vet).
IF i wnat ot have a life and think about myself, I'll have to either add few days to a week (but I'm not sure it could actually help) or stop caring about everything there's need to do.
and besides, what shoudl I do? going to the gym? swimming? dancing? or maybe that English course, to improve my language.... yes, because I have money as well, right?
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little_firestar: (Default)
Working the whole day, Sunday is always a difficult day, quite..tiring, if I may say so.  Adding my backache- that I'm having from months - a para-flu syndrom due to the change of season 8from summer to winter, I hate it. whoever told that there are no longer middle seasosn, he was a genius) and you have how much I'm pissed off. also, to add injury to the injured, we are celebrating in Alba (my hometown) the white truffle international festival. meaning? well, it basically means that, to get home, I spent 25 minutes to make 200 metres. I'm not kidding. So, imagine how my back is happy right now (actually, right now the pain has gone from the back all the way to teh foot in one direction, and the back of my head in the opposite one).

also, I'm extremely sorry that, this morning, 24 years old professional biker Marco Simoncelli died during the Sapanga Grand Prix, in Malysia. he was younger than me- and that's already bad, knowing that someoen so close in age to me died, a bit traumatic - and was still, even if a champion, the buy from teh samll town, who still slept in his twin bed whenver he come abck home to his parents and his 11 years old sister.  the Italain sport looses a champion, but moslty, people looses one of their own. His agony lasted 45 minutes, 45 minutes in which, after another bike (Evans, and maybe even Valentino Rpssi's one, his best frined and mentor) crashed his neck, he never re-took conscoiusness.
wherever you are, if you are somewhere else, I hope you are still riding your bike, happy, smiling looking at us, with those huge egad of brown-reddish curls...
little_firestar: (Default)
I'm aware I don't exactly possess the most amazing social life, and I know many would call me... well... pathetic.
But I do love my puppies, I care about them. and, for few of them, I spent time carying about them, looking for them.
I'm aware losing an animal is nowhere close to losing a person, and I'm aware few could be... ashamed of seens one personbeing so emotional about losing a cat, but I can't help it. I know its' not gonna last, I know I'll deal with it in a matter of days, but I still feel like sh#t. (sorry for the expression, but I really don't know what to say)
This morning, we had to euthanasy (I don't like the term suppression) Suo, the cat we found couple of months ago in teh woods. He has been weak sicne the very beginning, never taking weight and always being ill.
This morning, he barely woke up. and got worst. He could have lived untill the evening. suffering and going trough hell.  and we thought about it and... accepted it.
even if it hurts.
little_firestar: (Default)
....when all mi kitties ask to stay at home instead of going out.
little_firestar: (Default)
I have to admit, this summer, with everything that I went through with my life, I got a bit.... well, lazy wouldn't be the right word. I just was too tired in the evening to bother with going to the gym teh swimmingpool, running or even just teh ciclette.
the result? I took a bit of weight, and even if doctor says I'm perfect this way, and I know that last winter I loose too much weight and everybody got worreid and was aking my family if I was sick, I just.... it's not a matter of aesthetic. it's a matter that I'm not used to these few kilos any longer (you are talking with a girl that used to wear a 52, italian size, back in high school, and arrived to wear a 44, and even arrived to a 40 last winter.-way too much, and wasn't exactly wnated. I just moved a lot) and I don't feel well with them. 
So? So, satrting today, I've satrted to make 20 minutes of rapid cyclette again. for starter.

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